There are many reasons to give teens a curfew. Find out reasons to give the curfew, reasons not to give a curfew, best times for curfew, and consequences for breaking curfew.
Curfews are an important way to help keep teenagers safe and well-rested. While some teenagers are highly responsible and give themselves a curfew, most teens will need a curfew to be given by the parents.
In this post we will talk about reasons to give your teen a curfew, reasons not to, what time curfew should be, and appropriate consequences for breaking curfew.
Reasons To Give Your Teen a Curfew
Do you want to give your teen a curfew? In most cases, the answer is absolutely YES. There are many reasons for this.
One is that it is most likely the law. Many states have curfew in place for people under the age of 18. In my state, that is midnight. If your teen is annoyed by the idea of a curfew, knowing the laws for your area can make it a really simple conversation.
Another reason is that you are still in charge of your teenager. They need you to be the adult and make sure they are maintaining healthy and safe habits, routines, and practices. While teens may roll their eyes at you giving them a curfew, this is the type of thing that studies have shown actually INCREASES trust between a parent and child. Children do not like to feel like their parent is not involved and is not looking out for their best interests.
Another reason is that you will protect your teen’s sleep. Teenagers need between 8-10 hours of sleep each night for a healthy night of sleep. Having a curfew helps you set your teen up for getting enough sleep at night.
When you set a curfew, you also make sure your teen is home before becoming so tired that mental and physical capacities are compromised. Being tired negatively affects decision-making and concentration. Being out late increases risk of your child making a poor decision and increases risky behavior. It can also impair their ability to drive, making it more likely that a car accident will happen.
Reasons to NOT Give Your Teen a Curfew
I will preface this by saying there is no good reason for you to not give your teen a curfew other than your teen has given themselves a curfew. This might sound unlikely, but it does happen. I was a teen who didn’t have a real curfew because I always came home earlier than my parents would have told me to.
Brayden, our oldest child, was the same way. He didn’t officially have a curfew because is was always home by the time we would have told him to. If you have a child like this, it is wise to say, “I really appreciate that you are always home by midnight. If we gave you a curfew, this is the time we could give you. Thanks for being responsible and proactive about it.” This allows you to communicate that you do indeed have that expectation without stomping on your child being responsible by telling them to be home by the time they are already coming home.
This leads us to a common reason teens push back against curfew and that is trust. Teens can feel like you do not trust them if you give them a curfew. This is where it is a good idea for you to have your reasons why you are setting a curfew in place.
- It is the law and we follow the law in our family
- You need sleep
- I need sleep
- I really like you and want to keep you safe
- It is my responsibility to keep you safe – ethically and legally
Even if your teen is super responsible, you might set a curfew just so the precedent is set for all younger siblings. “I know you are always home by midnight, but we are going to just set an official curfew of midnight so that the precedent is set for your younger siblings and our family rule is just in place from the beginning.” The idea of “begin as you mean to go on” still applies with teenagers.
Many teens do not like a curfew because they feel like their freedom or independence is being taken away. Teens are always pushing for independence as they are getting closer and closer to adulthood. This is a normal feeling, but it does not mean a curfew should not be in place. Teenagers are indeed still children and it is appropriate for them to have boundaries.
If you feel like your teen is really pushing against curfew, evaluate the time you have set for curfew. You may have set it earlier than is appropriate for their age.
Teens also do not like curfew because they want to stay out with friends. In an ideal world, your teen would have the same curfew as friends so they all just knew the party ended at the same time for everyone.
That is rarely the case. The reality is many teens do not have a curfew at all. Kaitlyn, our second child, for example, has friends with no curfew or a curfew that is hours later than her curfew.
You might be hesitant to set a curfew because you want to be “cool” or “fun.” Maybe you do not like the conflict that will come if your child breaks curfew. Please remember that you are the parent. Your primary role in your child’s life needs to be PARENT, not friend.
Your child has lots of options for friends out there. There are very limited options for parent. You need to fill that role. As your child moves into adulthood, that relationship will change to be more of a friend role (though you will forever be that child’s parent).
What Time to Set Cufew
I am a big fan of including your kids in conversations about decisions like this. Kids often have stricter ideas than you would have, so if they throw out a time and you suggest a later time, then everyone is happy. This can, of course, backfire if your teen goes for broke and suggests a time later than you are okay with.
Here are some things to consider when setting curfew:
- What is happening the next day? What time will your teen need to wake up? How much sleep do they need before that?
- What does the law say?
- What time do YOU need to get up the next day and how much sleep do YOU need? Remember, a baby joins a family. By now, that baby is a teen and still part of a family. Your needs also matter in this decision.
A teen’s curfew should change as they get older. Keep this in mind as you set a curfew for a young teen. We want to add freedoms as our kids get older.
There will be norms based on where you live. Take those into consideration, but do not be afraid to go against what it seems like “everyone else” is doing if you feel like a certain time should be set.
For us, we have done 10 PM for young teens. This slowly gets later as they get older. By the time our kids are Juniors in High School, we typically say 12 midnight for weekends. It is reasonable to have earlier curfews for weeknights since your child has school the next day and you have work.
We do allow for later curfews on dance nights if arrangements have been made.
Expecting Communication
Our teens have phones and the ability to communicate with us. We have the expectation that if something comes up that would make them late for curfew, they let us know that before it is past curfew.
Things come up. Sometimes your teen simply loses track of time. Sometimes your teen is in the middle of solving the world’s problems with someone and doesn’t want to cut the conversation short. Sometimes traffic might be an issue. Sometimes weather is an issue. Sometimes they are in the middle of a game or wrapping up a movie.
It is reasonable for things to come up, but permission must be attained before curfew is missed. We try to accommodate requests. If requests happened frequently, we would pull back on that.
We want our kids to understand that communicating is important. It is important so we know what is going on and do not jump to scary conclusions. It is also a good life skill to develop that you communicate with people if you are going to be later than you expected.
We also want them to drive home safely. I would rather give them the grace to get home 15 minutes late so they maintain safe driving practices than to have them speed home to avoid a major consequence.
Consequences for Breaking Curfew
If you are going to have a rule, you need to have consequences for when that rule is broken.
If you live where there is a curfew set by the law, there is likely a financial penalty if caught after curfew, and maybe even more than that. Be aware of laws so you know and your teen knows. You do not get a pass for “not knowing” a law.
Then if your teen wants to be out past that curfew, you can let them know they are taking a risk of getting pulled over by law enforcement and if they do, they will have to own those consequences. They will be responsible for paying a fine if there is one.
At our house, if you are late for your curfew, then your curfew is moved up in proportion to how late you were. This is in place for 30 days. So if you are an hour late for a 12 AM curfew, your curfew for the next month is now 11 PM.
It is a super simple, logical consequence. There is no emotion to it. It is perfectly logical and reasonable. It is also very effective as it has only had to be broken once before curfew has been kept and communication has been free flowing.
There are other logical consequences that can come into play. Your teenager might lose their keys if they are a driver. They might need to help out with extra chores the next day since you will be more tired from losing sleep since they were out late.
Conclusion
You will likely need to adjust some things from child to child when it comes to curfew. You need to parent each child individually, but there are some rules that can just be family rules that are in place for all of your kids. Setting a curfew for your teen is an important rule to have in your family.
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