It’s no secret that kids are overscheduled these days — and I get it. We want our kids to experience everything life has to offer. And sometimes, to help them find something they truly love, we have to let them do an abundance of activities. But at what point does trying it all become a detriment to kids?
When our children are young, it can feel exciting to enroll them in all the activities we did as kids (or even the activities we never got a chance to do), like dance, music, soccer, or karate. We continue to enroll them until suddenly, they have an activity every day of the week with a Saturday morning sprinkled in. So, how should we, as parents, schedule their time?
Kids Need Unstructured Time
According to The Children’s Hospital of Orange County (CHOC), children need “unstructured time.”1 This can mean letting them roam free in the house, going on a nature walk in your neighborhood, or having family dinners together. Basically, it’s something your kids do that isn’t scheduled or structured outside of the home.
Of course, this unstructured time does need a bit of structure. Dr. Heather Huszti, a CHOC pediatric psychologist, says that letting your kids rot on the couch all afternoon watching TV or playing video games is not the answer.1 With so many rules, it can be hard for us parents to find the balance between scheduling activities and keeping our kids from melting into the couch.
The Activity Pressure Is Building
My kids are still quite young, so the pressure to have them join clubs and sports isn’t as strong yet. But as my oldest enters elementary school, I feel it building. “We’re signing up for gymnastics; you should join us!” says one friend. “We’re doing soccer this year; I want to make sure she does sports while she’s still young,” says another. At 5 years old, my daughter doesn’t know what she likes and doesn’t like quite yet. The urge to just sign her up and see what happens is definitely there!
But as soon as I look up every activity available near me, I take a deeper look at our weekends. Saturday can be super busy — with swim lessons, playdates, and dinners with extended family; we may spend the entire day out of the house. My kids can get fussy, overtired, and agitated over little things. When we wake up Sunday morning with no plans, they seem almost relieved. Yes, they may complain that they’re bored for a few minutes. But soon, they are playing, happy, and content.
The same is true after school. I am all for an after-school activity, playdate, or ice cream treat before we get home. The inevitable 6 p.m. meltdown, though, is always sure to appear. When we go straight home, take a bath, and let the kids relax and play, bedtime seems a bit easier. I keep these experiences in mind when I start to feel the activity pressure build. Of course, I want my kids to experience all there is to do. However, that doesn’t mean my 5-year-old needs to experience gymnastics and softball and Girl Scouts all in one year. I take a deep breath and remind myself there’s time for all that.
Prioritizing Our Children’s Mental Health
As a society, we often feel like time is fleeting. But if my little one doesn’t start dancing at 3 years old, I don’t think I’m ruining her chances of being a talented dancer. And if she doesn’t play soccer at 4, I doubt I’m causing her to miss out on making the team in high school. For parents, there’s so much of this pressure to do it all and do it all right away. Unfortunately, when we do that, the pressure we feel trickles down to our kids. Studies show that overscheduled kids often have higher rates of anxiety. While these studies focus on older kids, overscheduling at any age can lead to feelings of anxiety and unease.2
I want my kids to prioritize their mental health, which goes hand in hand with understanding the importance of relaxing or doing nothing without guilt. I never want them to feel guilty for spending time reading on the couch or napping when they feel tired in the middle of the day. Plus, running them from activity to activity takes away quality family time I will miss as they get older.
All of this is to say that I’m sticking to one after-school activity per year. This year, my youngest chose ballet, while my oldest wants to pursue theater. They can give their all to one activity and their one-day-a-week schedule, rather than giving a bit of themselves to multiple things. They will spend the other days of the week relaxing, finding new ways to be bored around the house, and, when possible, engaging in that much-needed family time. As they get older, my feelings on this may change. But for now, no, I won’t be joining gymnastics with you — maybe next year!