As someone who went 0/2 with good sleepers, I can tell you that the phrase "sleeping like a baby" is one of the greatest lies ever told. If you're reading this, chances are you've already googled "why won't my baby sleep" at 3 AM while fighting to keep your eyelids open.
But here's the good news: sleep training doesn't have to be the black and white, one-size-fits-all program it can feel like when you're desperately researching it at unholy hours. There are so many options, ranging from small changes you can make tonight to more structured plans you can consider if your little sleep thief continues their midnight reign of terror.
Understanding Baby Sleep (Or Lack Thereof)
Before diving into techniques, let's get real about baby sleep. Those Instagram-perfect photos of peaceful sleeping newborns? Pure propaganda.
Babies have shorter sleep cycles than adults (about 20-50 minutes compared to our 90-minute cycles), which means they partially wake up WAY more often than we do. They also haven't figured out that whole "it's dark so let's sleep" thing because their circadian rhythms are still developing.
When it comes to crying, not all baby wails are created equal. There's protest crying (the loud "how dare you put me down" shout), crying up (the escalating distress cry that often signals overtiredness), and crying down (the grizzling that actually means they're winding down).
Understanding these differences can save your sanity when embarking on the gentle sleep training journey.
When to Start Gentle Sleep Training
Most sleep experts suggest waiting until your baby is physically and emotionally ready to sleep through the night, usually between 4 and 6 months old. By then, babies have more regular sleep cycles, and many can physically go through the night without a feeding.
Signs your baby might be ready:
- They can self-soothe in some ways (finding their thumb/pacifier)
- They're developing a somewhat predictable daily rhythm
- They're not in the middle of any major developmental leaps
- Your eye twitch from sleep deprivation has become permanent
Before starting, make sure you've created an optimal sleep environment. Which brings me to…
Setting the Stage for Sleep Success
Before implementing any formal training method, try these quick environmental tweaks:
✅ Get creative with sound: Carefully curated sound can block out environmental distractions (like your screaming toddler) and provide security by mimicking womb sounds. There's a whole rainbow of options beyond just white noise. Pink noise (like a fan or air conditioner) has a mix of frequencies and promotes deeper sleep. Brown noise brings it lower with more bass tones, like ocean waves. Don't be afraid to experiment – you never know what might work for your mini-audiophile. Lectrofan is one of my favorites because the sound is rich and doesn't loop, but there are tons of great options out there.
✅ Follow your nose: Scent can be a powerful sleep signal. Incorporating a specific smell into your routine can gently remind baby that bedtime is coming. Lavender products from Earth Mama or Zarbee's make nice lavender products. Keep in mind that even though these are baby products, your child might react well to scent so keep an eye out for any reactions.
✅ Put those golden pipes to use: Consistency is key, and even singing or humming the same song can effectively signal bedtime. It's one of the easiest sleep training tips and costs absolutely nothing! (Here's a great post on how one mom used it in the post: A Simple Trick to Stop Nursing to Sleep.)
✅ Let your hands do the talking: Who doesn't love a good massage? Using baby massage as part of your nightly routine can serve as a bedtime cue and help promote better sleep. It's also free, and an excuse to give those chubby baby legs an extra squeeze.
✅ Don't be afraid of the dark: Keeping the house bright during day and making sure the room is dark at night helps promote a healthy circadian rhythm. Blackout curtains might become your new best friend when you realize the sun doesn't set until 9 PM, a full two hours past baby's bedtime. Otterspace makes really nice ones.
✅ Take your book game to the next level: Reading before bed isn't a novel concept (ha!), but some books are specifically designed to induce sleep. Look for ones with rhythmic prose and soothing illustrations that can teach your child to relax, like Dozy Bear and the Secret of Sleep.
The Pick Up Put Down Method
If you're ready to move beyond environmental tweaks, the Pick Up Put Down method is essentially what its name suggests: you'll pick up your baby when they cry and put them back down to sleep when they're calm.
How to do it:
- Place your baby in their crib, drowsy but awake (I know, I know – easier said than done)
- If your baby is calm, you can leave the room
- If they begin to cry, pick them up and cuddle/rock them until they stop crying
- Once calm, put them back down in their crib
- Leave the room immediately (no lingering!)
- If the crying starts again, repeat the above steps
Eventually, your baby will fall asleep, though this method may require dozens of pick-ups in one night. The goal is for them to gradually need fewer reassurances each night.
🟢 Pros: Less crying than extinction methods, which means less parental guilt
🔴 Cons: Requires the patience of a saint and can be physically exhausting
Reality check: While CIO often takes 3-4 days to work, this gentler method can take up to three weeks or more. Depending on your level of sleep deprivation, you may find this to be MORE stressful than a few nights of crying.
The Chair Method ("Camping Out")
Also called "camping out," the chair method involves sitting in a chair near your baby's crib while they fall asleep. (I tried this one and my baby hated it but it comes up enough that I feel like it's worth mentioning.)
How to do it:
- Put your baby in their crib when drowsy but not asleep
- Place a chair near the crib and sit next to them until they fall asleep
- Leave the room
- If they cry, return and sit in the chair until they fall back asleep (no picking up!)
- After a few nights, move the chair farther from the crib
- Continue moving the chair until you're out of the room
🟢 Pros: Less crying than extinction methods
🔴 Cons: Takes serious patience and can be confusing for babies who wonder why you're just sitting there like a sleep-deprived zombie
Scheduled Awakenings
If your baby already falls asleep easily but wakes up more often than a college student with a paper due, scheduled awakenings might be your jam.
How it works:
- Track your baby's wake-ups for several nights
- Wake your baby 15-30 minutes BEFORE they usually wake up
- Soothe them back to sleep
- Repeat for each typical wake-up
- Gradually increase the time between awakenings
The idea is to preemptively interrupt their sleep cycles and gradually space out the awakenings until they're sleeping through the night.
🟢 Pros: Can increase stretches of uninterrupted sleep
🔴 Cons: It feels weirdly counterproductive. Almost like the equivalent of jumping out before someone finds you during hide-and-seek.
Tips for Successful Gentle Sleep Training
✅ Be consistent: Establish a regular nap and bedtime schedule and stick to it like your sanity depends on it (because it does).
✅ Choose the right time: Put your baby to bed when they show signs of being tired. An overtired baby is like trying to reason with a tiny drunk person – it just doesn't work.
✅ Make changes slowly: If your baby's on a later schedule, don't suddenly move bedtime from 9:30 to 7:00. Make 15-minute adjustments each night.
✅ Follow a soothing bedtime routine: Bath, book, lullaby, bed – whatever works for you, as long as it's predictable.
✅ Develop key words: Simple phrases like "sleepy time" can become powerful sleep cues when used consistently.
✅ Create a sleep-inducing environment: Room should be quiet, dimly lit, and comfortable. Think spa, but for babies.
Common Challenges and Solutions
- Developmental milestones: Just mastered rolling over? Prepare for sleep regression! Any new skill can temporarily disrupt sleep.
- Growth spurts: Expect increased night feedings during growth spurts.
- Teething: The arch-nemesis of baby sleep. Keep appropriate pain relief on hand.
- Illness: All bets are off when baby is sick. Focus on comfort, then resume training when they're better.
- Partner not on board: Sleep training works best with both parents committed. Have a clear discussion about approaches before starting. (And have this conversation during the day and not at 3 AM.)
Comparing Gentle Methods vs. CIO
Gentle sleep training advocates believe it's natural for babies to want to be close to their parents, and that cry-it-out methods don't teach babies to self-soothe as advertised.
Research suggests that while extinction methods may result in better sleep in the short term, all babies have similar sleep patterns at around 1 year, regardless of the sleep training method their parents used.
The truth? Every baby is different, and what works for one family might be a disaster for another, so don't let anyone scare you or guilt you into something that isn't a good fit.
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider reaching out to a sleep consultant or your pediatrician if:
- Your baby's sleep patterns suddenly change dramatically
- You suspect a medical issue (like reflux or sleep apnea)
- You've tried multiple approaches with zero improvement
- You're so sleep-deprived you've started hallucinating tiny sleep sheep. Sleep deprivation is no joke and can be dangerous for parents so call in the pros if you are at the end of your rope.
The Bottom Line
No guarantees that any of these methods will work for everyone. But these gentle approaches are simple enough to at least give them a shot before busting out the "I can't take it anymore" methods.
Remember, sleep training is not a test of your parenting abilities. It's about finding what works for YOUR family and YOUR baby. Sometimes that means a carefully researched approach, and sometimes it means throwing the books out the window and creating your own method.
So here's to better sleep for you and your little one. May your nights be peaceful, your coffee be strong, and your baby finally learn that 3 AM is not party time.
Good luck, my fellow non-sleepers! Sending restful thoughts your way.
Our next reco: Newborn Sleep: Start With This One Goal