We’ve all had those days, haven’t we? When your tiny human might’ve been extra clingy, overtired, and having a tantrum because you cut their banana up? (Or is it just me?) As the day progresses, you find yourself counting down the minutes until bedtime so you can sit in silence for a few minutes.
Parenting is an amazing journey that’s full of highs and beautiful moments. But in all honesty, it can also leave you feeling drained. As a psychologist and mom to two tiny humans, I know how important it is to find effective ways to reset after a stressful day of parenting. It’s not just about putting on a Band-Aid so you can survive the day. You need to find ways to take care of yourself and fill up your emotional tank.
10 Ways To Reset After a Stressful Day of Parenting
Here are 10 simple, evidence-backed strategies to help you relax, rest, and return to parenting with a sense of calm:
1. Do Physical Activity
It’s relatively well-known that exercise improves people’s mental health and well-being. It improves your mood and reduces anxiety and stress due to the release of lovely endorphins (feel-good hormones).1 In addition, promoting an active lifestyle can boost your child’s mental health and well-being. It can also strengthen your family bond when you exercise together.1
Physical exercise doesn’t have to mean heading out to the gym or going for a run. (But if it does, more power to you!) It can also be as simple as finding ways to move your body around the house. You can even follow along with a cardio, strength, or stretching video on YouTube at the end of the day to get your stress out. Getting physical activity is also something you can do throughout the day with your kids. You could ride your bikes to the park, play a high-energy game (hide-and-seek, chase, hopscotch, etc.), or turn on some music and dance together. The key is being consistent and finding an activity you enjoy doing alone — or with your kids!
2. Have a Consistent Nighttime Routine
Studies tell us that if we can create a consistent and relaxing nighttime routine, it reduces the amount of time it takes us to fall asleep. The length of sleep is also longer, and the quality of sleep is higher.2 When we take intentional action to wind down (and follow the same steps each time), it signals to our body that it’s time to go to sleep.11
So, you might put your child down to bed, take a shower, brush your teeth, follow a skincare routine, journal or read with the lights low, and turn on white noise or gentle background noise before getting in bed. The steps themselves don’t necessarily matter. (Though it is important to reduce screen time, coffee, and alcohol in the hours before bed to help us fall — and stay — asleep.) It’s more about having consistency and slowly winding down to set yourself up for sleep success.2
Hint: These sleep tips can work just as well for our children!
3. Learn the Art of Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword, but it’s an excellent skill that helps us focus on the here and now instead of getting caught up in future worries or past concerns. It’s about learning how to pay full attention in the moment, having an awareness of your environment, and noticing the thoughts or feelings (including emotions or sensations in your body) that come up . . . without judgment.3
You can practice mindfulness by learning meditation, following breathing exercises, and intentionally drawing your awareness to these things during everyday activities. Research tells us that mindfulness reduces stress and improves our emotional regulation because we’re present and react less to stressors, which makes us feel calmer.3 So, you could incorporate 10 minutes into your wind-down routine and listen to guided mindfulness activities. Or you could even do a brief mindfulness activity to start your day peacefully. It’s easy to find apps, YouTube videos, books, and audio guides to help you pick up some mindfulness skills.
4. Reflect on the Day (With Self-Compassion!)
After you’ve finally gotten the kids in bed after a tough day, you might take a little time to mentally reflect on the day. Many people struggle with feelings of inadequacy and thinking about all the things they “should” have done — or done better. Maybe you feel like you should’ve been more patient, been more present, played more games with the kids, etc. When we lack self-compassion, it can negatively influence our mood, stress, and mental well-being.4 While it’s vital to reflect in our moments of downtime (because that’s how we learn and keep growing as people and parents), try to reframe your negative thoughts as more empowering and compassionate ones. For instance, instead of saying, “I failed as a parent today,” you might say, “I can learn and grow from these challenges.”
When engaging in this process, it’s also important to be realistic with your future expectations and goals for yourself. Instead of setting unattainable targets that will reduce your mood and sense of self-esteem, think about what’s reasonable for you as a parent.4 For example, if you want to be more present with your child, you could plan to put your phone out of reach for a set period of time tomorrow. Or you could arrange a specific activity to do with them the next day. Whatever it may be, ensure it’s something that’s truly doable!
5. Connect With Loved Ones and Share the Load
Sometimes, we can get stuck doing everything ourselves. It can be out of pure habit, or it might just feel easier. Or maybe we don’t want others to realize we’re struggling. But if we don’t ask for help, delegate, or access social support from our loved ones, it can have a negative impact on our well-being. There are links in research indicating that women who don’t have or can’t effectively engage with their support networks can be at increased risk of experiencing postpartum depression.5
So, lean into your support system. Once the kids have gone to bed, you might feel tired, touched out, or emotionally worn out. But it’s important to meet your social needs when you have a chance. It could be as simple as texting a friend, calling a loved one for a chat, or arranging a playdate or coffee catch-up. This is because social support is crucial for managing stress. When we connect with our loved ones, it reduces feelings of isolation. And when we have a strong support system, we’re better equipped to navigate parenting challenges.6
6. Engage in Something Creative
Getting out the paints or a notebook (after you’ve tucked the kids in for the night) is a great way to look after your well-being. Whether it means painting, drawing, writing, or listening to or playing music, being creative can bring us a sense of accomplishment and happiness. These activities can also help reduce stress and give us an outlet for expressing and regulating our emotions.7 You don’t have to be Picasso to get creative! Just set aside time to do something crafty and engage your imagination. This is a wonderful therapeutic escape from the daily pressures you face as a parent.
7. Get Outside
Now, I know you can’t go far if you still have your child at home and are caring for them. But getting outside or being in nature is a great way to reset and improve your well-being. Research tells us that exposure to nature has a great impact on things like our blood pressure, mental health, cognitive function, and sleep.8 So, if you can, sit in the back garden, watch the stars, go for an evening walk (if someone else can care for your child and they won’t be left unattended), or even pop your head out of a window and look at the view if you don’t have a yard.
8. Learn the Downward Dog!
Yoga is a stressed-out parent’s friend, and it’s a great way to help us reset after a challenging day. Numerous studies extoll the virtues of yoga and its stress-busting properties.9 Plus, you can be a beginner and don’t need any expensive equipment to get started. And if you can’t get to a yoga class, you can do it at home! It’s very easy to find online classes, videos, and tutorials to walk you through a session. There are even YouTube channels with brief yoga tutorials for kids if you want your little ones to join in and reap the rewards.
9. Practice Deep Breathing
I know, I know! People always say, “Take a deep breath,” when they want to encourage someone to relax. But honestly, as a psychologist, I make sure everyone I work with adopts this strategy. It’s so commonplace that sometimes we forget there are significant benefits to doing deep, calm breathing. Research says deep breathing exercises significantly reduce stress and anxiety by activating the body’s relaxation response. This promotes increased calmness, helps you manage stress in the moment, and allows you to make clear decisions . . . sign me up!10
Parents can practice deep, relaxed breathing proactively (at designated times, like at the end of the day) and during moments of stress. A simple rule to remember how to do it is “the rule of five.” This means breathing in slowly for five seconds, holding for five, breathing out for five, and then repeating this exercise five times.12
10. Access Professional Support
Seeking professional support can help parents manage their stress and prevent things from escalating or becoming mental health issues. So, if you’re trying these (and other) coping strategies and aren’t seeing any results or are concerned about your well-being, it’s vital to access professional support. This could mean going to counseling sessions in person or online, joining a support group, etc. Given the accessibility of technology these days, many counseling and psychology services are available after hours for those with limited downtime or minimal time without the kids around.
The Bottom Line
Parenting can be tough, but there are so many ways we can reset and improve our well-being. We just have to find the activities that best suit our unique circumstances! You can incorporate the strategies I’ve shared here into your daily life. They can help reduce stress profoundly, improve your mental health, and even enhance your parenting experiences. It’s essential to prioritize self-care — not only to benefit your own well-being but also to create a positive home environment for your tiny humans!