Even before it was confirmed at her prenatal visit that Maggie Downs had a miscarriage, she said something in her pregnancy felt different. “The doctor told me the baby’s heartbeat was too weak and the prognosis was bleak,” she says. “I didn’t have any spotting, I just felt different in a way I couldn’t articulate.” Miscarriages can be all sorts of things: quiet, dramatic, quick, or lengthy – and sadly, they’re quite common, affecting up to 30 percent of pregnancies.
If you’re trying to get pregnant, you may know about the miscarriage risk (Downs memorized the statistics, she says, “since she was of advanced maternal age and had trouble conceiving”). Yet, how a miscarriage unfolds isn’t always talked about directly – and it’s different for each and every woman. Fortunately, more and more families are starting to open up about their experiences, and that can help others who may be navigating something similar. “Miscarriage is a wound that no one can see,” says Downs, but talking about it can spread knowledge and might help ease the uncertainty when you’re going through it.
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Along with Downs, BabyCenter Community moms are sharing their experiences surrounding loss. If you’re going through a miscarriage – or you’re close to someone who is, we see you and we’re here for you. Below, 15 BabyCenter moms explain what it felt like as they went through their miscarriages, with the hopes of helping other moms who are experiencing something similar.
*Trigger warning: some of these experiences are graphic and emotional.
Some experience cramping, pelvic pain, and pressure
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I didn’t have any physical symptoms at first, but then the cramps began. First, they felt like the dull pressure of a stomach ache and then they increased until they felt more like strong, incessant period cramps. It was as if my uterus was a stress ball and someone was squeezing it aggressively.”
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“I was at the 8-week mark of pregnancy when my first miscarriage began. I started to feel this really uncomfortable pain on the right side of my pelvis. I remember laying in bed feeling and knowing something was wrong and afraid to go to the bathroom. Once I got up to go to the bathroom, the blood just started coming. The following days and weeks were some of the hardest of my life. I feared that I might pass more blood and large clots, and I worried that I wouldn’t be able to conceive again.”
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“My cramps bordered on contractions…I was in so much pain when the waves came that I’d fall or be doubled over. The pain lasted about a day and the bleeding was another matter – it lasted for almost two weeks.”
Many women experience bleeding or spotting
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“When I had my miscarriage at 8 weeks, I had been spotting (brown/pink) for a few weeks. It wasn’t until I passed some white and gray tissue, that I went to the ER and they confirmed that my pregnancy was not viable. I never experienced any bright red or large amounts of blood.”
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“I miscarried at 10 1/2 weeks. It started out as bright red blood after sex, but then the next morning it was still there off and on. I was never in pain and I never bled like crazy either. My first prenatal appointment was two days later and by then I had shed most of everything except the empty sac. Another day or so passed and then the sac came out all at once, and looked like a big clot. After that, the bleeding started to dwindle and then ultimately stopped.”
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“I have miscarried a few times. My early miscarriages were chemical pregnancies and then I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, both types felt a lot like heavy periods. I didn’t even cramp very much, and for me, the symptoms didn’t last longer than a week. I just started bleeding bright red and didn’t stop for a while.”
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“I was almost 9 weeks pregnant when I experienced some brown spotting. I went to see my OBGYN and he confirmed that there wasn’t an embryo, and the sac was only the size of a 5-week-old. There was already a small hemorrhage under the placenta, so he predicted that I would miscarry within a week. Three days later, I started cramping and felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. That lasted for an hour and at first it felt like heavy period pain then later like labor pain because there were waves of pain with pauses between them. At the end, I passed the empty sac and some other tissue and blood. I went to see my doctor who confirmed that everything passed.”
Passing large or small blood clots can be common
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“I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and I had minimal cramping and very, very light spotting (almost non existent) just before. I wasn’t ready for anything because I was expecting heavy bleeding and cramping. I went to pee and felt something large come out. It was big… maybe 8 inches long in all and without being more graphic… everything passed at once.”
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“When I had my miscarriage, it was like a period that kept getting worse and worse. I was passing large and small clumps, then I began to cramp horribly for a couple of days and had heavy bleeding.”
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“I just had a miscarriage at around 4 weeks that lasted two days. The first day I bled a ton and had tiny clots coming out, then on the second day I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst pain that felt almost like contractions. I passed a piece of tissue that was a bit wider than my pinky. I stopped cramping and bleeding after I passed it.”
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“I miscarried at 5 1/2 weeks and I didn’t have any pain, just bright spotting at first. A few days later, I experienced a little cramping and more blood, and eventually passed some bloody tissue about the size of a jelly bean and then a bloody string shortly after. After that, cramps and bleeding lessened but continued for a week and then it all just stopped.”
For some women, bleeding and pain is more severe
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“My miscarriage started off with a tiny bit of brown blood, then it turned to red blood that started off feeling like a normal period with no cramps. I was bleeding on and off for about a week. Then, all of a sudden, I was in a lot of pain and had a lot of cramping. I was also bleeding a lot more (soaked a pad every hour) and started feeling faint so went to the ER. My bloodwork was decent considering all the blood loss and for about 48 hours I had the really bad cramping that came and went strongly. I passed tissue of various sizes and then suddenly I felt like it was done. I guess the feeling is similar to having a baby? Like need to push and cramps that feel like contractions? After that, I felt better and bled lightly for another week.The worst for me was the fatigue and the extreme lower back pain that came after that and lasted an additional two to three weeks.”
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“When I miscarried, at first it was just spotting and then it became heavier. On the third day, I had the worst cramps that I had ever experienced and I could barely stand up. For me, the cramps lasted about three to four hours. After the gestational sac had passed, I bled for seven more days. It was extremely hard on me and I distanced myself from everyone and shut down. My only advice is if you do in fact have a miscarriage, find comfort in those around you. It makes the healing process easier.”
Some experience no unusual symptoms
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I had very little symptoms with my miscarriage. I started to have some light pinkish brown spotting around 8 weeks so I called the doctor. They had me come and do an emergency ultrasound and there they couldn’t detect a heartbeat. They also had me take a pregnancy test every day for the next two days to see if my levels doubled or went down, and they went down. I never had any cramping or heavy bleeding and the spotting was only for one day. I ended up having to get a D&C [Dilation and curettage] about three weeks later once it didn’t pass.”
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At my first prenatal dating appointment my doctor found a heartbeat, but the embryo size was about a week smaller than expected. At my follow up appointment a week later, there was no longer a heartbeat detected. Since my doctor flagged that growth didn’t seem typical, I expected that something would go wrong, but I had no symptoms that alerted me that I miscarried. I had a D&C a few days later since it was unlikely it would pass on its own.
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Every miscarriage experience is different. When a miscarriage occurs and how long the symptoms like bleeding or pain last (if they happen at all) varies greatly from person to person. And how you move forward afterwards varies, too.
“Talking about my miscarriages was one of the best things I could have done,” says Olivia DeLong. “The more I spoke about what my miscarriages were like, the more I learned just how many other friends and loved ones had gone through miscarriages, too.” While she found that she was sad for those around her who had experienced it, she also felt shared relief and relatability because so many have gone through what she did. “Once I started opening up about my miscarriage experience, I was able to find solace.”
If you’re currently going through a miscarriage or have had one in the past, you may never forget your experience and that’s normal. Take the time you need to handle your physical and mental feelings.